Welcome to The Nerd's Quest, my journey of learning how to meet and date women as a computer nerd on the autism spectrum.
Friday, August 13th, 2021
Objectives:
Order a drink at Fat Tuesday
Start a conversation with at least one person
This was my first real night out in Las Vegas (which also happened to be a Friday the 13th, a fact which is purely coincidental I am sure 😅). I had already spent some time exploring The Strip and familiarizing myself with the area when I had first moved here a few weeks prior, but this was to be the first real endeavor of my quest. My plan has been to start myself out with baby steps, as I am coming into this with a near-total lack of experience or knowledge. So I came up with two these simple objectives for the night.
First, I had heard a lot about this place called Fat Tuesday that sells those frozen daiquiris that seem to be all the rage here. So I would go there and order a drink. That would be a very simple and easy first objective to help get some momentum building. It was an objective that required me to put myself out of my comfort zone just a little bit, but not too much to overwhelm me.
My second objective for the night would be slightly harder: I would have to approach someone and start some kind of conversation, even the smallest one. There were only two conditions: I had to be the one to approach them rather than the other way around, and the person couldn't be a bartender or other service worker whose job it is to have conversations with customers. Other than that, the conversation could be with literally anyone and could be about literally anything. This would be a way to gradually ease myself into the idea of approaching people.
I parked my car at the Treasure Island (free parking!) and started out the night feeling quite optimistic. I walked down The Strip for a while feeling energized by the general buzz of excitement coming from people I was passing by.
"There are so many hot girls around!" I thought. "Maybe some day I will actually work up enough courage to talk to one."
I focused on my first objective of ordering a drink at Fat Tuesday. There are actually a bunch of different Fat Tuesdays up and down The Strip. The first one I walked by had a really long line, so I decided to keep walking and check out another one further down. I stopped somewhere to get some food. Was I actually hungry, or was I just procrastinating having to put myself out of my comfort zone? Probably both.
I eventually made it to another Fat Tuesday. There were a few people at the bar when I first entered, but they left with their drinks by the time I got to the counter, so it was just me and two bartenders. I looked at the menu for a little while, ordered a strawberry daiquiri, and left with it.
First objective of the night down, though it felt like kind of a pointless one in retrospect. Why did I need to order a drink there if there was no one for me to even talk to? Even if I went to the crowded one I had passed up earlier, I probably would have just waited in line, ordered the drink, and left with it. It seems like that's actually what most people do there rather than treating it like a typical bar. They get one of those giant skinny drinks and then walk around with it. I'm going to need to construct more well-thought-out objectives next time around.
I was now focused on my second objective to start a conversation with someone. I sipped my drink and went back up The Strip the same way I had come before, walking through a couple of the casinos along the way. I was looking for people hanging around who I might be able to start a conversation with. Every time I saw an opportunity, I ended up making some excuse for why I should pass them up and keep going:
Girl sitting alone at a bar. My excuse? I had no idea what I would say. I didn’t want to bother her. She was way out of my league anyways.
Homeless people hanging out on the sidewalk with cute dog. My excuse? No offense to the unhoused, but this would feel like a cheap way to get this objective over with, and I didn't want to take the easy way out.
Girl leaning up against pillar by herself holding one of those giant skinny drinks. My excuse? I had no idea what I would say. I didn’t want to bother her.
Another girl sitting alone at a bar. My excuse? I had no idea what I would say. I didn’t want to bother her. She was way out of my league anyways.
Dude puking into trash can. My excuse? I was going to ask him if he was okay... but then again he looked fine and I didn't actually want to get involved, plus that would also seem like too easy of a way out.
Girl sitting alone by escalator waiting outside a CVS. My excuse? I had no idea what I would say. I didn't want to bother her. Plus maybe she's waiting for her boyfriend/husband/etc.?
Notice that there is a consistent pattern here, particularly with the examples involving women. I really struggle with the idea that I might be bothering someone by approaching them. Every time I think about approaching a woman, one of the biggest excuses that comes up in my head is that by approaching her, I would be bothering her, and I don’t want to bother her. I am sure I will write about this more in the future as this is possibly my biggest confidence killer.
I started to develop negative emotions as the night went on. I was feeling a general sense of frustration with my current situation and what felt like a complete lack of social skills, but I wasn't going to let myself give up. I was determined to complete my objectives for the night, and I wasn't going to allow myself to go back to my car until they were both done. All that was left was for me to start a conversation with someone, even the tiniest one. So I forced myself to keep trudging forward.
The night lingered on. I kept walking up and down The Strip, passing the same places over and over again as I fretted about what I was going to do. How was I even going to start a conversation with someone? What would I talk to them about? I couldn't even think of anything other than the generic "so what brings you to Las Vegas?" type of question. But why the hell would a random person come up to you on the sidewalk and ask you that? I really hadn't thought this through at all. I desperately needed to think of an idea. It was almost 2 A.M., and I had been out for around four hours.
I had noticed this building with the name "Neiman Marcus" in big letters on the side several times throughout the night. It looked like some kind of shopping plaza. I decided I would ask someone if they knew what that building was. It was incredibly lame, but it was something.
I saw a young man who looked around my age leaning up against a railing that was along the sidewalk and looking out over the street. I walked over to him and waved.
"Hey, excuse me" I said with a wave. The guy looked over at me with a friendly demeanor. "Do you know what that Neiman Marcus building is over there?" I said, gesturing with my hand towards the building.
I don't remember exactly what he said in response, but he looked over at the building and seemed uncertain.
I followed up by asking if it was some kind of shopping mall or something like that.
“Oh yeah, like that whole plaza over there? Yeah that's like a shopping mall," he said in response.
"Oh, thank you," I said with a nod. He nodded in return, and I walked away.
It wasn't much of a conversation, but it was enough. My second objective for the night was complete. I know it doesn't sound like much of an accomplishment... but it had been so long since I had started a random conversation with a stranger that Obama was probably still in office then. That is not an exaggeration. That is the level of social isolation that I am coming out of. So even this baby step was actually a bit challenging for me.
I felt elated as I walked away. I began the night with two objectives in mind, and I had now completed them both. I walked back to my car in good spirits. I was also looking forward to finally getting off my feet after all that walking! The good mood only lasted for so long, however.
It had been a rough night. I had struggled. My emotions went back and forth between negative and positive as I drove back to my apartment. I was feeling good about completing my objectives, but that sense of frustration that had been nagging at me earlier had also started to come up again. I forced myself to push through it and not let it discourage me.
And thus, my first night out came to a close. I had taken a few baby steps towards my goals. The road in front of me will be a long one, but often times the hardest step in the journey is the very first one. I don't know if that will actually be true in my case. I'll just have to wait and see.
Summary:
Order a drink at Fat Tuesday ✔️ Complete
Start a conversation with at least one person ✔️ Complete
Well done. Keep making those steps!