Night Out #23: And that's the way the Discopussy Crumbles
I discover that Discopussy is not the right kind of venue for me, and I have an instant date with a strange ending...
Welcome to The Nerd's Quest, my journey of learning how to meet and date women as a computer nerd on the autism spectrum.
This Week’s Mission
This week’s mission (a part of the course I'm taking) was about frame control. Frame is a tricky concept to define, but it’s basically like someone’s perception of a situation. Different people can have different perceptions of the exact same situation. There are things you can do to influence these perceptions, both in terms of your own perception and other people’s perceptions.
The mission had two parts to it:
Part 1: Internal Frame
Reframe everything in your life in a positive way. Life is good.
Reframe everything as you being incredibly attractive
Part 2: External Frame
Every interaction, within the first two minutes (ideally within the first minute), you need to assert a frame that if true would lead to either an relationship or to sex. You can use frame-setting lines to do this.
Night Out #23: Saturday, February 26th, 2022
My plan for the night was to first try out a venue named Peyote in Downtown Las Vegas. A guy who I had talked to at the nightclub the previous week had recommended it to me. Then if I needed another venue to go to, I would try out a nightclub named Discopussy which was in the same area.
When I arrived at Peyote at around 10:30-10:45 PM or so, they had just closed, despite the hours posted online saying they would be open until 2 AM. There were a couple other guys standing next to me right outside the gate who were talking to the security guard, and I overheard the guard telling them that they typically just close up whenever there are no more customers left in the bar area.
This venue must be a lot smaller than I had imagined. I didn’t get to see the inside, but it looked pretty small from what I could tell. I had imagined a fairly big nightclub like Gold Spike, but I guess this place is actually a lot smaller.
So now that Peyote wasn’t an option, I decided that I would just go straight to Discopussy.
Discopussy?
I moved my car to a parking garage closer to the club and started walking over. There was a guy standing near the club who was handing out little tickets for entry + two free drinks. I took one from him, then went over to where the entrance was. I tried to use it to get in, but the security guard at the gate told me that those tickets weren’t good until midnight. I nodded and walked off.
It was about 11:20 PM at this point. I decided I would just get some food and wait until midnight so that I could get into Discopussy rather than try to figure out where else I could go. So I walked around a little and ended up getting a sandwich. Before long, it started to get close to midnight, and I headed back over.
There was a small line forming outside. I asked one of the security guards where to go to use the ticket I had, and he told me to get in the line.
A group of hot girls ended up behind me in line. At one point one of them turned in my direction, and I asked her if she had been to the club before. She told me that she had. I asked her if it was a good club, and she was like, “oh yeah, totally, you’ll have fun” or something, but then she started to turn back towards her group and I didn’t pursue the interaction any further. I’d count this as just general socializing with the people around me rather than an actual approach. I ended up getting into the club pretty quickly.
I did a walk of the venue. It was a lot smaller than I had imagined, like not even the size of a high school gymnasium. It was also incredibly loud, far louder than Gold Spike had been the previous weekend. If you were standing in the front third of the club, you could feel your entire body vibrating due to the force of the soundwaves being blasted from the big speakers in front of the DJ. They were playing EDM the whole time I was there.
I got one of my free drinks and stood around, wondering what to do. There were a few approach opportunities in theory, but I couldn’t imagine trying to talk to someone in such a loud environment, especially as most people were congregating towards the loudest section of the club.
I moved towards the front and watched people dancing. Most of the dudes were just kind of swaying back and forth or bouncing a bit. It didn’t look that hard. I decided to join in, and I “danced” for a while, swaying back and forth with my drink still in hand. The vibrations from the soundwaves were so strong I could feel them in my internal organs.
Anyway, I grew bored of the “dancing” before long. I looped around the club a few more times. It just wasn’t the right environment for me to try to socialize.
At one point I saw a girl looking for something she must have lost on the benches on the side. I thought about approaching, but it reminded me of all the sets where I'd ask a girl who looked lost if she was, in fact, lost, and then she'd just ask me for directions. This girl was obviously going to be too busy looking for the lost thing to actually engage with me, and if I volunteered to help her find it, the interaction is probably just going to end right after she finds it. If I were to keep pursuing it beyond that, it would come off as super desperate and try-hard, like I had an agenda of pretending to be nice to try to get into her pants. So I just didn’t approach.
When it comes to really loud nightclubs, my instructor recommends either doing approaches in quieter parts of the club or in an outdoor area if there is one, but it didn’t seem like there was an area like that here. The whole club was super loud.
I decided to just grab my second free drink, quickly finish it, and then leave.
I was relieved when I got out of that place. They had like a tiny little smoking area out back it turns out, but it was barely bigger than an elevator. It was not the kind of place where I could hang out for a while and socialize with a bunch of people.
So I just left. Discopussy is definitely NOT the right venue for me. I don’t see myself ever going back there. It sucked.
Back to the Gold Spike
I didn’t know where to go now. It was around 12:45 – 12:50 AM. I had only been in Discopussy for around 40 minutes total. I walked over to Gold Spike again to see how the line looked.
The line looked really long and like it was moving slowly, so I decided against getting back in line.
I started walking down the sidewalk towards Fremont Street when I suddenly saw a glass bottle shatter right next to some people who were standing on the opposite side of the street.
It turns out this drunk cowboy had thrown a glass bottle at this group for whatever reason. A few members of the group started yelling at him and chasing after him, but the drunk cowboy just kept running away. He would turn back, taunt them for a few seconds, then run away some more. The group stopped chasing him after a little bit, but I kept my eye on him as I walked towards Fremont Street. He was on the opposite side of the road but walking in the same direction.
I watched him grab some empty glass bottles that were sitting on a trashcan and put them in his jacket pockets. I guess this is what that guy does for fun? What a jackass.
Anyways, I was just standing around at this point, so I decided I might as well go to Gold Spike after all. Even if I did have to wait in line for a while, it would be a better use of my time than just standing around doing nothing. So I got in line at Gold Spike. The line ended up moving very quickly. I should have just gotten in line in the first place. Oh well, lesson learned.
It was only a little after 1 AM when I got inside. I had my third cocktail of the night and walked around for a while looking for a good approach opportunity.
I saw girl with her breasts totally out, like with nothing covering up her nipples or anything. Don’t get me wrong, I think that is awesome, I just didn’t know that was allowed. Was I just seeing things? Was she just wearing something transparent? She was standing in a loud part of the club and looked like she was waiting for someone. I probably should have still approached, but I didn’t for some reason. Another missed opportunity.
Set 1
She was sitting by herself on a bench in the front of the outdoor area. She looked like she was taking a rest.
I think I opened with "you must be totally exhausted right now" or something along those lines.
It was a decent set. I used a bunch of the teasing lines I had learned the previous week. I also used a frame-setting line about how we were both attractive people.
Eventually I ran out of things to say. At one point she looked up at me expectedly, as if she was waiting for me to say something, but I was drawing a blank, so I just shrugged and she laughed. I managed to stay in the set a bit longer, and there was some more back and forth conversation, so it wasn't terrible.
Eventually her two sisters came over and the three of them decided to go inside. I think she suggested I meet up with her inside later to dance or something but it was hard to hear. Also I don’t really know how to dance, especially to hip-hop which is what this club usually plays.
Set 2
I saw a girl who was walking towards the doors to the inside area who looked really cold. If I remember correctly, I said something like “wow, you must be really cold” as the opener. This set ended up being super short, though her friend who I hadn’t noticed at first engaged me and seemed to be quite receptive. Her friend was quite a bit older and not someone I was into. Regardless, this was a short interaction with a few words exchanged, and it didn’t go anywhere.
Set 3 - I make a dumb mistake
Shortly later I saw another girl who looked cold who was about to go inside. I approached right as we both walked inside. I used the same situational opener about how she must be cold as I used in the previous set.
We had a short conversation. It was mostly platonic get-to-know-you questions, unfortunately, but she seemed engaged and was asking me questions about myself. I failed to do any of the teasing lines or frame-setting lines though.
After a little bit of back-and-forth, she said she was going to go hang with her group and said I could join them if I wanted, then she went off into a crowded area of the club.
I didn't follow her. I should have. I don't really know why I didn't. I thought to myself “oh I can just circle back later and join up with her again”, but when I did see her a few more times she was being talked to by a bunch of other dudes. I don’t know if these dudes were in her group or not. The idea of trying to join her group at this point seemed way too intimidating.
I should have just followed her immediately. I don’t know why I didn’t. Nervousness about meeting her group? Not wanting to seem too eager? This is an example of me shooting myself in the foot by making a dumb mistake. Another lesson learned I suppose. I shouldn’t be letting these opportunities slip through my hands so easily.
Set 4 - Instant Date! Weird ending though…
At some point before this I had my fourth cocktail of the night. My next approach was a girl wearing a cute black outfit who had just walked out into the outdoor area by herself.
I used a direct opener that I hadn’t used for a while, but have had good results with in the past: “your outfit looks totally badass. Like seriously, you look like you just signed a business deal and then like, killed a grizzly bear or something.” I didn’t come up with this myself. It’s from the course.
It was very well-received by her and she became engaged in the conversation almost immediately. She did seem a bit tipsy though. We exchanged names and decided to move near one of the outdoor heating lamps. It turned into an instant date.
It went quite well, it felt like we were enjoying each other’s company, and the conversation wasn't dying out. She was asking me a lot of questions about myself, sometimes questions she had already asked but had forgotten about.
I had plenty of time to get some teasing lines in, both ones that I had learned in the course and others that I came up with organically. I also got a frame-setting line in by pointing out how we were both attractive people out having a good time. Overall it was a very flirty interaction.
She wanted another drink before long, so we got one from the bar and went back to sit down.
I gradually found out about her logistics as the conversation continued. She lived nearby and came to the club alone. She had friends from out of state who were staying with her, but they already went back to her apartment and went to bed early. She wanted to keep partying, so she came to Gold Spike by herself.
At one point she dropped her drink on the ground and spilled 95% of its contents. Then she grabbed what remained of some random drink someone else had left there and poured it into her cup. Crazy. This girl just didn’t give a fuck.
In terms of physical escalation, I put my hand on her shoulders a few times, like jokingly patting her and telling her that something is going to be okay, but nothing further than that. We also tried on each other's glasses and joked around about it.
Eventually we started discussing our plans for the rest of the night, I mentioned that I had drinks at my place but she said it was too far away (like 20-25 min drive on other side of town). I don’t remember exactly how this part of the conversation went, but she decided she wanted to leave the club, and we decided to check out another venue.
We left the club together. I forgot that we had already exchanged names earlier and said something about how we hadn’t even exchanged names yet. She corrected me and said that we had exchanged names already. I didn’t believe her until she told me her name again, at which point I remembered that we had in fact exchanged names earlier. Oops. I guess it was my turn to ask a question that I had already asked. I also got her phone number shortly afterwards.
As we were walking down the sidewalk, she kept changing her mind about which venue she wanted to go to. She mentioned a few times that she should probably go home soon, but then would change her mind and suggest yet another venue to go to. She was being very indecisive. At one point we both stopped somewhere to go to the bathroom. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but the vibe definitely changed after she came out of the bathroom. The energy of the interaction felt dead. It no longer felt like we were having a good time like it did earlier.
Finally she decided that we should go to El Cortez, a small casino in the area. We went inside and started to walk through. As we walked past a bar, I pointed out a place where we could sit, but she ignored me and sat down at a slot machine without saying anything. I wasn’t really sure what was going on, so I sat in the seat next to her. She was turned away and her back was facing me.
I wasn’t really sure what to say, and I was taking a moment both to rest and come up with some kind of plan or something to say at least. Over the course of the night, I had drunk four cocktails in under three hours, which was probably interfering with my ability to keep the interaction energized.
We had been sitting there for like a minute. Suddenly she gets up and rushes out the door. I was totally caught off guard by this. What was going on? I was confused and followed her out. She was jogging down the sidewalk in a very lopsided manner due to the large purse she was carrying. I caught up to her and asked her what was going on:
Me: “Where are you rushing off to?”
Her: “I’m going home.”
Me: “Oh okay… so are we done hanging out then?”
Her: “Yes.”
Me: “Okay, it was nice meeting you, have a good night!”
I turned around and headed the other way, totally confused about what had just occurred. Why did she run off like that? After walking a little while I turned back to see if she was still jogging. She was! What the heck?
I spent most of the next few hours replaying the events of this instant date in my mind and wondering if I had done something wrong, but more on that later.
Set 5
A little while later, I noticed a girl leaning who was sitting against a wall on Fremont Street. She looked very depressed. It was late enough that there was no more loud music being played, and so it was easy to have a conversation. Normally it would be so loud in this area that conversing would be very difficult.
I walked over and opened with “on a scale of 1-10 how depressed are you right now?” She said she was pretty depressed, and I was like "oh so a 9 or 10 then?" and she nodded. I asked her what happened and she said it was some personal stuff.
I don’t remember exactly what was said after this, but she thanked me and didn’t seem like she wanted to engage any further, so I just wished her a good night and left.
Wandering and Reflecting
After this, I wandered around Fremont Street for a while, not sure what to do next. It was fucking cold outside, 39° F (about 4° C) according to my phone. Who knew that Las Vegas gets that cold in February?
I couldn’t go back to Gold Spike because it was after 3 AM, and I remembered reading on their website that they don’t allow re-entry after 3 AM. I should have at least tried to get back in, but I didn’t for some reason.
I used an online BAC calculator which estimated me at 0.09, just above the legal limit, so I had to wait a while before driving back home. It was only like 3:30ish AM. I generally require myself to stay out until at least 4 AM, so either way it was a little too early to throw in the towel.
I got some food and wandered around aimlessly, replaying the events of the instant date over and over in my head.
I couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened. Did I do something wrong? These were some of the questions circling around in my mind:
Did I do something that creeped her out?
Did I mess up by not reading some kind of hint or signal earlier?
Was she too drunk? I don’t know how much she had to drink, but she seemed a bit tipsy when we first met.
Was I too drunk? I had four cocktails in under three hours. Was I really aware of what was going on?
Did she even want me to leave the club with her in the first place?
Did she feel that she had to try to escape from me, like I was some kind of stalker or something?
Why didn’t she just tell me she was going home?
Something dawned on me. After we had left the club and were walking around trying to figure out which venue to go to next, there was a strange moment that occurred. I started to walk down a path in one direction towards a place that she had suggested. I was slightly ahead of her. She abruptly changed directions and started walking a different way, but didn’t say anything. I turned around and caught up and was like “oh I guess we’re going this way” or something.
I didn’t think much of it at the time, but later when I reflected back on the night, I realized this was foreshadowing what was to come. I don’t believe it was a coincidence.
I felt guilty. I felt shitty. I felt like I had done something wrong. These were the emotions going through me at the time. It’s hard to not feel like you did something bad if the girl literally runs away from you.
And why hadn’t she just told me that she had to go home? “I have to go home now, it was nice meeting you, have a good night!” That’s all she had to say. She had been kind of hinting at it earlier, but then she would suggest a different venue to go to. Strange. I wasn’t sure what to make of it.
Eventually I went back to my car and listened to music for another 15-20 mins before deciding I was sober enough to drive home at around 4:45 AM, which by then was at least two hours after my last drink.
Final Thoughts
Now that I have had some time to reflect on this night, I am being easier on myself about how it went. I think the way that the instant date ended was more a result of poor game rather than me doing something unethical or nefarious in some way.
This girl was the most attractive of my instant dates yet, and at least while we were still at the Gold Spike I thought it was going very well. I would say that it was my best instant date purely in terms of my own performance, at least until we left the club together. Then it definitely started to go downhill.
I am noticing that a lot of my best sets are with chatty girls, because there aren't many awkward pauses. They talk a lot, which both fills any awkward silences and also gives me material to tease them on or respond to in some way. So it’s much easier to keep those sets going. When the girl doesn’t talk much, I typically end up running out of things to say.
So what would my instructor have to say about this instant date? Based on everything I’ve learned so far, I imagine he would point out the following:
I let the quality of the set get too shitty. Girls are (supposedly) more sensitive to the change in quality-of-emotion rather than the absolute level. The quality had been getting worse and got WAY worse in those moments in El Cortez when I was just sitting there saying nothing and not even in her field-of-vision.
I didn’t lead at all when it came to the venue change outside of the club. I needed to be like “this place, we’re going here” and be decisive about it. It wasn’t a good frame for me to just be following her every whim as she flip-flopped back and forth about where to go. I needed to step up and lead.
She said my place was too far away when I suggested we have a few drinks there. Should I have tried to find a better logistical solution? Seed the idea of her inviting me back to hers? Not sure, but it’s something to think about.
In the course, we have been taught to take an interaction through five stages: open, premise, evaluation, narrative, and close. I certainly did the first two. I didn’t do any evaluation or narrative. I tried to close, and technically did get her phone number, which counts as a type of close. I have never actually given either of these phases a serious attempt. I need to start. I haven’t gotten to the part of the course yet that deals with them, but it will be coming up soon.
Another thing I need to think about: I am probably drinking too much. Like what if she had said yes to more drinks at my place? I would have been driving with a BAC above the legal limit. This is also known as drunk driving. So I’m either going to have to drink less or start going out with the intention of using Uber/Lyft/etc. And generally speaking, I probably should not be having 4 cocktails in under 3 hours on a regular basis.
I am getting addicted to the rush of nightlife. I'm clearly improving, but I still have a lot to learn. I'm in this shit for real! It feels like my nights are becoming exciting and filled with actual social interactions as opposed to the nights where I’d spend almost the entire time wandering around by myself, which is how they used to feel. I worked hard to get to where I am, and I still have a lot of hard work ahead of me, but my progress is undeniable. I am hyped as fuck for my upcoming nights out, especially once the weather gets nicer.
Things I did well:
Teasing the responses from girls
Inserting frame-setting lines into interactions for the first time
Having some good interactions in despite not getting into a good venue until after 1 AM
Things to improve on:
Not making stupid nervous mistakes. In Set 3, I should have just followed the girl back to her group right then and there. Even if I get nervous, I just need to push past it. Like a surfer who is trying to stay on a surfboard, I can’t let my nervousness about falling off become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Fortune favors the bold!
Not letting the quality-of-emotion of a set collapse like it did during the instant date. I need to be able to maintain high quality throughout. One way to do this would be to have some stories in my back pocket that I can pull out (metaphorically speaking) in moments when the interaction needs to be revitalized.
Evaluation and narrative. I’m not doing either of these phases yet. I haven’t gotten to to the sections on them in the course yet, but I still have some general understanding of these phases based on what has been taught so far.
Taking the lead. I should have been taking the lead when it came to the venue change during the instant date instead of just following her around as she flip-flopped about where she wanted to go.