Night Out #25: Am I Addicted?
I wonder if I have become addicted to the rush of going out and all of the highs and lows that come along with it
Welcome to The Nerd's Quest, my journey of learning how to meet and date women as a computer nerd on the autism spectrum.
This Week’s Mission
This is another continuation of the mission from the previous night out.
This week’s mission (a part of the course I'm taking) was about frame control. Frame is a tricky concept to define, but it’s basically like someone’s perception of a situation. Different people can have different perceptions of the exact same situation. There are things you can do to influence these perceptions, both in terms of your own perception and other people’s perceptions.
The mission had two parts to it:
Part 1: Internal Frame
Reframe everything in your life in a positive way. Life is good.
Reframe everything as you being incredibly attractive
Part 2: External Frame
Every interaction, within the first two minutes (ideally within the first minute), you need to assert a frame that if true would lead to either an relationship or to sex. You can use frame-setting lines to do this.
Night Out #25: Saturday, March 12th, 2022
I wanted to try out some more clubs in the Downtown Las Vegas (DTLV) area, so I made a list of venues that I wanted to check out. DTLV is a bit less intimidating than The Strip, so it’s where I’ve been acclimatizing myself to this new world of nightclubs over these past several weeks.
Inspire
I started out with a nightclub named Inspire. It has a rooftop area with a balcony that overlooks the Fremont East District. I got there pretty early in the night, maybe around 10:45 PM or so.
If I recall correctly, I had to pay a $30 cover charge to get in, but at least they were offering an open bar until midnight. Free drinks! But only after you’ve paid the cover, of course. I still tipped the bartenders, both for ethical reasons and because I want to make sure to stay in the good graces of the people who work in these clubs. That may come in handy at some point.
As usual, once I got in I did a loop of the venue and checked out all the different areas. It was smaller than I had expected. As it was still pretty early, there weren’t that many people there yet. It was also way louder than what I had been hoping for, especially inside. I went up to the rooftop where it was a bit quieter and ordered a drink.
I was leaning up against the railing on the balcony and watching people walk by on the crowded street below. After a little while, a group of three girls came over and stood by me. I started chatting a little with the one who was right next to me.
We had a little conversation. It was just some boring, platonic get-to-know-you type chitchat. This wasn’t a good use of the opportunity on my part, but for whatever reason I was feeling timid about doing any actual game, and so I didn’t inject a man-to-woman premise into the interaction.
This conversation ended up dying out before long, and afterwards I walked around some more to check on how things were going in the rest of the venue.
The music in the inside area was still way too loud. It didn’t help that the vast majority of people were clustered right in the loudest part of the club either.
I wandered around inside some more and then went back up to the rooftop. I was already feeling like this venue was a waste of time, but I didn’t want to give up on it quite yet. Maybe things would improve once it got a little later and more people showed up? I ended up leaning against the railing again in the exact same spot I had been earlier, not really sure what else to do.
Before long, the girl who I had been talking to earlier came over and started talking to me again. Wow, she actually re-opened me. I wasn’t expecting that.
This time around I finally managed to get some teasing lines into the conversation. Some stuff about how we probably weren’t going to get along, how she was trouble, etc. She responded to my lines very literally, which is not the typical response, but certainly not a bad thing. It’s an example of why we are taught to calibrate our communication styles to the girl at hand.
The topic of her friends came up, and she mentioned that she was there with her girlfriend and her girlfriend’s friend. She was from out-of-state and was in town for a few days to visit her girlfriend, who was local. She mentioned that they were in a long distance relationship and that it was tough sometimes.
So at this point I found out that she was either a lesbian or bi. I wasn’t sure how to proceed from here. Do I ask her if she’s also into dudes? How would I go about inquiring about such a thing? I wasn’t sure, so I just didn’t do anything with the information.
She introduced me to her girlfriend and her girlfriend’s friend. They both seemed very receptive and friendly. One of them joked and asked her if I was her new friend or something, and she said yes. That was a good sign, right?
When I was introduced to her friends, I didn’t do a good job of figuring out which one was the girlfriend and which one was the girlfriend’s friend. I probably should have just asked the girl I had been talking to in the first place to clarify it for me a little later. It wouldn’t have been that weird, right?
I wasn’t really sure how to engage the group. I was just kind of awkwardly standing around with them. They ended up eventually going off to dance together. I should have tried to stick with them, but I was afraid to try to dance. I also forgot the names of the other two, not that this should matter much as I could have just asked again.
Here is what I should have done: I should have engaged the other two more. I was afraid to do this for some reason, which was a huge mistake on my part. I needed to figure out which girl was the girlfriend’s friend and then switch to having her as the target. I should have been more energetic and outgoing in my demeanor. And I absolutely should have danced with them.
Unfortunately, what actually ended up happening is that I totally dropped the ball. I failed to engage the other two girls in any meaningful way. Then the three of them went to go dance, I kept standing there by the railing, and the interaction ended. I let this opportunity slip between my fingers. I need to learn from this experience and make sure not to keep making these mistakes in the future.
There were a few other minor interactions that I got into before I left the venue. None of them lasted very long or were significant in any way. The problem was fundamentally my own lack of effort in making the interactions happen. When I initiate a conversation, I’m supposed to assume the burden of carrying the interaction at least for the first little bit. I wasn’t putting much effort into this, and I’m not really sure why. It was like I failed to believe in myself enough to make it happen, and I failed to bring enough energy into my interactions to propel them forward.
I was relieved when I decided to get out of there. I needed a break from all the noise, so I took a walk to a nearby convenience store to grab something to eat. I’m not sure if I will ever come back to Inspire, but I’m leaning towards a “no” on that. The venue was too loud and so small that there wasn’t a large volume of approach opportunities.
Commonwealth
My next stop was a place named Commonwealth. It’s sort of like if someone took a tavern with a flat rooftop and tried it turn it into a nightclub. So it had the aesthetics of a bar, but you had to go through a line, pay a cover charge, and get your hand stamped in order to get inside.
It was way too crowded. You could barely move, and you had to wiggle your way through a sea of people just to get from one side to the other. The music was also way too loud. Even in the rooftop area it was unreasonably loud.
I ended up leaving quickly, probably within twenty minutes of getting there. I didn’t even speak to anyone while I was there. I spoke to a random guy who was standing next to me in line on the way in, but I didn’t speak to anyone once I was inside.
Again, I felt relieved when I got out of there. I am inclined to not come back to this venue, but I could potentially see myself trying it out again on a less crowded day.
Legacy Club
My next venue was Legacy Club, which is the 60th floor rooftop lounge at Circa Resort & Casino. I was surprised the find out that entry was free, though I think they do charge a cover sometimes.
I ordered a drink and did a loop of the place. It was much quieter and less crowded than I expected. There were only around 20 - 30 people there in total. The gender ratio wasn’t very good, and it seemed like every woman there was already interacting with a man.
I sat on one of the couches for a while. At least the views were great. I saw a pair of girls talking on a nearby couch, but they seemed to be in an intimate conversation and disturbing them didn't feel right. I was thinking that I shouldn't force myself to approach of my instincts were telling me it wasn't the right kind of situation. So I didn’t approach.
As I got up and moved to a different area I walked by them, and I noticed that one of the girls was actually a dude with long hair. Lmao. No wonder it seemed like an intimate conversation! I ended up leaving shortly thereafter, having not seen any real approach opportunities.
Ultimately, this venue wasn’t worth my time, though I’m still glad I had the chance to see it. I could maybe see myself coming back if I had family or friends visiting and I wanted to show them some great views of Las Vegas from the vantage point of a 60-story rooftop, but I don’t think I will come back with The Quest in mind.
There was one more venue on my list that I had planned to potentially check out: Troy Liquor Bar in the Golden Nugget Casino. Unfortunately, when I got there it was already closed to new entrants. I don’t remember exactly what time it was, but I think it was at least 3 AM at this point.
Fremont Street
So given that it was getting late and I couldn’t get into Troy Liquor Bar, I decided to just finish the night by trying to do approaches out along the Fremont Street area.
It was rough. I knew it would be rough, because it meant doing walking sets where people are focused on getting from point A to point B, which makes it even harder to get them to engage with you. I’ve been able to get some instant dates through walking sets in the past, back when I was doing casino floor game, but I realize now that these sets have an added level of difficulty stacked on top of everything else you have to worry about.
I only ended up doing around four approaches on Fremont. None of them really went anywhere. It felt like I couldn’t get anyone to engage.
There was at least one slightly amusing anecdote. I was walking and this girl in front of me looked back at me a couple times. I don’t remember what I said, but I started talking to her. I realized quickly that she was super drunk. After a moment, she suddenly walked over to a random group of people and shouted “HAPPY NEW YEAR!” with her arms outstretched like a showgirl popping out of a cake or something. Mind you, it was the middle of March! The kinds of people you run into in Las Vegas sometimes…
Anyways, she ended up walking off with that group somewhere, not sure if she already knew them or what, but regardless she was way too drunk and thus I was not going to be trying to pursue the interaction any further.
I wasn’t feeling sad or depressed, but rather lethargic. I didn’t really believe in what I was doing. It was like my spirit was weary. I didn’t really believe that any of these approaches would end up leading anywhere, and it was like I couldn’t muster up the mental and emotional energy required to be at my best. This poor internal state definitely had a negative impact on my performance. Instead of bringing my “A game” to the table, I was maybe bringing my “C game”, if that.
I decided it was time to go home at around 4:20 AM. I had literally forgotten that Daylight Savings had just kicked in. Normally it would have still been only 3:20 AM had the clocks not jumped forward an hour. This explains why there were more people outside than I would normally expect for after 4 AM, which is typically when the crowds start dying down rapidly.
Final Thoughts
Now that I am reflecting back on the night, one of the main things that comes to mind is my frustration with myself for blowing that first set. I had a really good opportunity with those three girls, and I totally messed it up. Ugh. I’m kicking myself inside.
I have to make this a learning experience. Even if I didn’t get a desired result, I can still find a way to benefit from how things played out. Next time, I will not be timid. I will not be shy. I will not be filled with self-doubt. I will make this shit happen, because the pain of having not tried hard enough and regretting it later far exceeds the pain of giving your all and still failing. And as Jim Rohn famously said: discipline weighs ounces, while regret weighs tons. I don’t want to have regrets!
I felt pretty low energy throughout the night. I’m not quite sure why, but it was hard for me to muster up enough mental and emotional energy to perform. Did I drink too much too quickly? Was it related to my sleeping habits? I don’t know.
Something had been bothering me intermittently throughout the night. I had gotten into a pointless argument with a family member earlier in the week. I wasn’t thinking about it during interactions, but it bothered me when I was on my own. This is why they tell you not to get too into your own head and to keep socializing with everyone around you as you go about your night. Negative thought-loops are terrible for your internal state, and avoiding them in the first place is the easiest way to deal with them.
As I drove back, I found myself wishing that I would come home and find my vibecamp lover already asleep in my bed. I would quietly take off my clothes, slip into bed, and snuggle up to her and hold her tight. She had been on my mind tonight too. But I understand that the idea of me going out and chasing women all night every weekend while she is left alone and ignored does not sound very appealing from her point of view. So it was not to be.
Instead, I smoked some weed and reflected on how the night went. Even though it was a rough one, I still wanted to get back out there and try again. I didn’t want to have to wait until the following weekend. I wanted to just keep going out, again and again.
I started to wonder if I was addicted. I have become hooked on the whole experience of going out. The nervous excitement of the beginning of the night, the ups, the downs, the tantalizing feeling of success being almost within my grasp and yet still just out of reach…
The pointless argument I had gotten into with a family member involved the possibility of me having to travel back to my hometown during one of the weekends in April, which would mean I couldn’t go out that weekend. Maybe the reason that idea agitated me more than it normally would was because I had developed an addiction? Addicts tend to get agitated when you deprive them of their fix.
I don’t know. Addiction or otherwise, I’m not giving up. I’m going to keep at it.
Despite the difficulties of the night, I went to bed feeling pretty good about my life. The weed probably helped with that. The Quest was never going to be easy, and beating myself up over my mistakes isn’t going to help. As long as I am learning and improving, I am getting closer to achieving my goals. That’s the mindset I need to have.
Things I did well:
Trying some new venues, getting acclimatized to the whole nightclub scene.
Having at least one significant interaction that I can learn from.
Things to improve on:
Learning to dance and actually having the courage to go through with it.
Situational approach anxiety. I’m still struggling with getting myself to do approaches in very loud areas. It’s something I’ll need to push past.
By the end of the night, I had basically given up in spirit. I wasn't willing to put in the emotional and mental energy necessary to succeed.
Personal issues unrelated to The Quest (the pointless argument with a family member) were interfering with my internal state, which made things harder for me.
Stacking and not running out of things to say. This is a recurring problem and quite possibly the biggest sticking point that I need to work on right now.