Night Out #8: Pretending I'm Already Their Friend
I do multiple approaches! I'm in this thing for real!
Welcome to The Nerd's Quest, my journey of learning how to meet and date women as a computer nerd on the autism spectrum.
Saturday, October 9th, 2021
My strategy as I began the night was to look for girls hanging out around the casinos, but not actually sitting at the bars or anything. It took me at least an hour and a half to get warmed up and make my first approach. I saw a really good opportunity early on in the night, but I chickened out. My excuses? First, the girls were way too hot, second, the group was too big, and third, I made eye contact with one of them from far away and it was scary. So I passed.
A little later I sat down at a bar and ordered my usual drink (rum & coke) just to refresh myself and try to get myself into the right mindset. I must have looked exhausted as I sat there staring down at my drink, because one of the bartenders started joking with me about how I must’ve had a long night. In reality, my night had just begun.
I reminded myself of some advice I was given from an awesome online community I recently joined: just walk up and pretend like I’m already friends with whomever I’m approaching. Keeping this piece of wisdom in mind ended up being a huge help to me.
Approach 1
I was walking through The Linq Promenade, which is like a pedestrian plaza right off The Strip with a bunch of little shops and restaurants. It was probably a little after 11 PM.
I noticed two girls sitting at a big fountain taking selfies. It didn’t look like they were part of a larger group. They both looked about my age. It was a near-perfect opportunity. I walked past them and wandered off to the side a little. I was fighting an internal battle — would I chicken out or would I go for it? I turned around and saw that they had finished their selfies and were back to looking down at their phones. I forced myself to stop being a coward and approached.
The beginning of the conversation went something like this:
Me: "Hey, how’s it going?"
Them: “Hey”
Me: “You two look like you’re having a good time, what are you out celebrating?”
Girl 1 (we’ll call her Marilyn): "I just wrote a book, and we are out celebrating my book tour."
Me: “Oh wow, you wrote a book?! What’s the name of it?”
Marilyn: [insert name of non-fiction book here]
Me: "Wow, that sounds really interesting."
She laughed in a way that made it sound like she was skeptical. “Technically I didn't write the whole thing. I have a coauthor.”
Me: "Oh really? What’s the coauthor’s name?"
Marilyn: “Well there were actually many coauthors. Each one of us wrote a single chapter in the book about an experience we had.”
Me: "That sounds cool. I'm [my real first name] by the way."
Marilyn: "I'm Marilyn,” she said as she extended her hand for a handshake. “And this is [her friend’s name].”
Her friend and I exchanged waves.
Me: "What was your chapter about?"
The conversation about her book continued for several more minutes from this point. We talked about what her chapter was about, then I looked up her book on Amazon on my phone and congratulated her on the number of good reviews it had. This made her laugh. I kept joking about how she must be a famous author if she’s on a book tour and everything.
Eventually she and her friend suddenly wished me a good night and got up and left. The abrupt ending took me by surprise a little, but despite the interaction not leading into anything, I thought this was a huge success for me. I actually had a real conversation with someone that lasted more than a minute or two!
As I walked away I was so amped that I wanted to pump my fists in the air, but I resisted the urge. This was easily my best interaction thus far in The Quest. It was so fun and exciting! The rush I felt was addicting. I wanted to keep doing more and more approaches.
Things to improve on:
Engaging more with the friend. Other than the initial approach and the moment Marilyn introduced me to her, I did not engage with the friend at all. This is not good, as the friend will quickly get bored if she is just sitting there while some dude is keeping her friend occupied by engaging her alone.
Sharing more about myself. I didn’t get much of a chance to do this as I didn’t see the end of the conversation coming and thought there would be more time, but I had said nothing about myself other than my name. So I had learned a lot about her, but she had learned nothing about me. That was too one-sided.
Approach 2
Later that night, I noticed three girls in their early-mid twenties sitting side-by-side on some steps by one of the ramps around The Excalibur. It was too good of an opportunity to pass up. Similar to my first approach, I walked past, stopped myself, forced myself to turn around, and took the plunge.
I did the same basic approach as before: “Hey, you three look like you’re having fun, what are you out celebrating?” One of them was celebrating her birthday. I wished her a happy birthday and introduced myself. They gave me their names in response.
I then started asking them questions about the nearby casinos, trying to strike up a real conversation. I said that I had just moved to Vegas and was trying to figure out what my favorite casino was and then started asking their opinions on some of them. I mentioned a few that I liked and a few that I didn’t like.
All three girls seemed genuinely baffled that I was talking to them, not in a mean way, but in a "...what the heck is going on right now?" kind of way. I would describe it as the facial expression you would make if you saw a really weird situation and were trying to mentally put together what was going on.
The two girls on the sides quickly lost interest in the conversation and started looking down at their phones, so the conversation ended up being mainly between me and the girl in the middle. It felt like we had a little bit of a vibe going, even if just a polite one. She had a cute Library Girl look. I tend to connect better with Library Girls than most other female archetypes, but that is a discussion for another post.
We talked for a little bit longer. At one point she mentioned that she and her friends were staying there at The Excalibur. I didn’t really know how to continue the conversation, or if I should even try, and so the conversation just fizzled out naturally. I wished them a good night and left.
Things to improve on:
Making sure I spend some time making eye contact with each of them at the beginning of the interaction.
Remembering their names. I had completely forgotten them within moments of hearing them.
Having something more to say beyond the initial opener. Maybe I could have complimented the Library Girl on her look.
Approach 3
This approach was late in the night, some time between 2 and 3 AM. I hadn’t seen a whole lot of opportunities after my second approach, and eventually I headed back to The Linq Promenade area where I had made my first approach of the night.
I noticed a group of four girls standing right across from a loud nightclub. They were standing in like a square formation where each girl was a corner. I walked up and asked “Hey girls, how’s it going?” Because of the noise of the nightclub, I had to raise my voice, but I didn't do a very good job of it. I could tell that I was too quiet, I don’t think all of the girls could hear me.
The girl in the front left corner gave me a pretty cold response. “We’re good.” she said curtly, giving me kind of a glare. I asked them if they had been inside the nightclub. They said that they had. I started asking them if it was good, if it was worth trying out, etc. They told me that it was a good club and that I should go try it out.
I can't remember who, but one of the girls mentioned that the club had a mechanical bull. I was only looking at the two girls on the left side, which was a big mistake. I wasn’t even sure what was going on with the two on the right. I hadn’t made eye contact with them at all, and my body was angled more towards the two on the left.
I was getting some good vibes from the girl in the back left corner. She was smiling and seemed to be fine with me talking to them. She had tried to say something to me but I couldn’t hear what it was. On the other hand, the vibes I was getting from the girl in the front left corner were menacing. If I had to put it in words, the vibe was “we answered your question, why the fuck are you still talking to us?” So I turned around and started to walk away.
As I turned, the girl in the back left corner tried to say something about the music the club plays, but I was already starting to walk away and just kept going instead of awkwardly trying to turn back to keep engaging her. The menacing vibes from her friend made me want to get the hell out of there. I wonder if they noticed that after I left, I didn’t even go in the club and instead just walked back down the promenade?
Things to improve on:
Making sure I spend some time making eye contact with each of them at the beginning of the interaction.
Speaking more loudly when necessary.
Facing my body in a way that is open to the entire group instead of focusing in on one side.
Playing off of what they say. For example, when the mechanical bull was mentioned, I could have asked them if any of them rode it, made a joke about how one of them seems like she would be the type to ride it, etc.
Engaging more with the girls who give you positive vibes. I should have focused in on the girl in the back left when she had tried to say something earlier in the conversation. It turns out the girl I focused in on the most (inadvertently) was the one giving me the worst vibes by far.
An… Interesting Encounter
It was already pretty late after I finished my third approach, but I wanted to keep the momentum going. I also didn’t want to end such a good night on a little bit of a downer with that last approach. So I kept up the search.
I walked through several casinos without seeing any good approach opportunities. 4 AM passed, and I was about to walk into The Flamingo. There was a group of three girls standing right in front of the entrance, and as I walked past them one of them walked over to me and put her arm around my shoulder.
“Do you want some company?” She asked.
“Sure!” I said cheerily with a shrug, not realizing what she was really asking. I thought she was just flirting with me.
“Where are you staying?”
“Oh I live about 20 minutes away.”
At this point one of the other girls in the group of three who hadn’t noticed me yet turned towards me and asked who I was. She seemed drunk.
“Oh, I’m just some random guy. I’m [my first name] by the way”
They gave me their names and asked me where I was from. I mentioned my hometown and they claimed to know it.
“Where are you staying?” one of the other girls asked me.
“He said he lives 20 minutes away.” The first girl said to her.
“Oh like an Airbnb?” She asked.
“No, I actually live here. Over by [insert major intersection near my apartment].” I responded.
“Yeah that’s way too far… Unless you had like a thousand bucks,” the first girl said to one of the others.
At this point I had figured out what was really going on. It should have been obvious to me from the beginning, but I had never interacted with streetwalkers before. This was a first for me, so it caught me off guard at first.
“So are you three working?” I asked.
In an instant the mood changed. The one who seemed drunk suddenly sobered up, and the three of them split up and started walking away quickly in different directions. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” the first girl muttered as she walked away.
Oops! I didn’t realize you weren’t supposed to ask them that, though in hindsight it should have been obvious. What they are doing is criminalized, and my asking them that question made me seem like a cop. It’s not a question they can answer without being put at risk. They were smart to split, and I was a dumbass for asking in the first place. I won’t make that mistake again.
She had made a good point about my place being too far away. This is something that I have been thinking about. If — no — when I get to the level where taking a girl back to my place (or “pulling”) is a real possibility, I am probably going to need to be willing to get a hotel room on The Strip for the night. It’s the only real way the logistics will work out for me. In theory I could go back to the girl’s room with her, but there are many circumstances where that would not work out. For example, what if she’s sharing the room with a friend who already went to bed? It’s also highly unlikely a tourist I just met would let me drive them back to my apartment 20 minutes away in a city they (probably) don’t know very well.
As for a long term solution, when my apartment lease is up in ten months I hope to move into one of the luxury apartment towers right off The Strip. Until then, I am going to have to be willing to shell out something like $100-150 on a room each night if I am going to want to have any chance of pulling.
But anyway, back to the night at hand, if I did have a hotel room on The Strip and my wallet wasn’t practically empty… I would have been an eager customer if her rate wasn’t too absurd. Hey, it was after 4 AM and I was about ready to go home, give me a break!
Final Thoughts
I threw in the towel and went home at around 4:30 AM. I had been out for over 7 hours. This was my best night out so far in terms of results, and it’s not even close. Previously, I had never made more than a single approach in a night, and I had never approached a group. And now, in a single night, I managed to approach three different groups! I also had my first real substantive conversation during my first approach.
Each approach was subsequently worse, but a lot of that is just randomness. The fact that one of the girls in the first approach had just written a book made it really easy to have something to talk about. With the next two approaches, it was much more difficult to think of a way to transition the “small talk” into the “big talk” that makes a conversation have meaning.
Reflecting back on the night, I feel really good about it as a whole. I took away the psychological stress of setting nightly objectives for myself, and it has paid off. I have taken several huge steps forward towards the ultimate destination of The Quest.