A Whirlwind Romance at Vibecamp: Part Two

The story continues!

This is a follow up to my post A Whirlwind Romance at Vibecamp from March 2022. I highly recommend you read that post first if you haven’t already.

A New Beginning

A little over a week had passed since we parted ways on that fateful evening in Austin, Texas.

I secretly missed her. I secretly longed for her. There were late nights where I wondered if I had made the wrong decision. Maybe I should change my mind. Maybe I should reach out to her again and tell her that I made a huge mistake. Yet all of those reasons why I believed it couldn’t work out between us were still as valid as ever.

These were the thoughts that kept running through my head. I was very internally conflicted. I tried to endure through it, figuring these feelings would subside eventually. So I didn’t admit any of this to anyone.

She was the first to initiate communication again. She sent me a DM on Twitter. Finding it in my inbox made me smile. It was just a casual DM, nothing serious. We started talking a little about TPOT stuff, chatting as if we were just friends. This went on for several days, just some friendly DMs back and forth. I tried to keep it cool and didn’t let on to the fact that I really missed her.

Then one morning I logged onto Twitter and saw a new DM from her. She said that she didn’t know if it was out of line for her to say this, but she really missed me. I felt a rush of positive emotions, but I was unsure about how to respond.

I didn’t want to lead her on only to hurt her again. In times of social uncertainty like this, I figure it’s best to just stay as truthful as possible, and so I explained that while I had missed her too, I wanted to make sure that she wasn’t going to get hurt again. She acknowledged my concerns, and we kept talking about how we felt.

She suggested the idea of visiting me here in Las Vegas. During her stay, we would be in a temporary monogamous relationship. We decided that she would come for about three weeks, a trial run of sorts, and if it went well, there was always the possibility of extending her stay longer.

She had a trip to New York planned in a few months, which would serve as a natural end for this temporary relationship experiment. She insisted that while she might be a bit heartbroken when it was time for her to leave, this experience would still be worth it for both of us, and thus I shouldn’t worry about unintentionally hurting her by agreeing to the idea. So we set the plan in motion.

We spent a lot of time DMing each other and talking on the phone in the days leading up to her arrival. There may have been some naughty photos exchanged as well… 😉

I was super excited and a bit nervous for her to finally arrive. She shared these sentiments. She had to drive across several states to get here, and she decided to split the drive into two days. This was to be the first time in her life that she would be going on a long road trip by herself, which added to the feeling of collective nervousness. I cleaned my apartment more than I ever had before the night prior to her arrival.

The Arrival

It was a special moment when we first saw each other again. We embraced each other in a tight hug. We were two lost lovers reunited.

This was to be my first time ever living with a romantic partner. My only previous relationship never came anywhere close to this level of proximity.

At first we were both a little nervous. We wanted to show our best selves to each other. We were sharing my small one bedroom one bathroom apartment, which I had not anticipated sharing with anyone when I first leased it. It was a tight fit, but we made it work.

It was a little like playing house at first. She would cook me an amazing breakfast every morning and then solicit as much honest feedback as possible, which she would then use to improve the breakfast the following morning, one iteration at a time. She was putting so much effort into making me happy on a daily basis. Words cannot express how loved I felt.

We both have remote tech jobs, and during those first couple weeks, we both spent our working hours being super productive because we were afraid the other person would judge us if they caught us slacking off on Twitter or something. We both laugh about that now when we look back on it.

After work we would usually do activities together. We would watch a TV series, go out to eat, or go on walks exploring different parts of the city. I enjoyed getting to show her all the different places around town I had mentioned in some of my previous substack posts.

We were both a little worried that it would be difficult to adjust to sleeping in the same bed. Both of us had slept alone for years. I had never slept in the same bed with a romantic partner before I met her, not even once. And in her past relationships, she always preferred to sleep alone rather than share a bed. So we both had reason to share this concern.

But to our pleasant surprise, sleeping in the same bed came easily to us. It felt totally natural, and for the first time in her life, she had an easier time falling asleep sharing a bed with someone than she did when sleeping alone. Now we never want to sleep alone again.

Fast-Forward to the Present Day

We have been living together for nine months now! Our initial three week trial run was a smashing success. She ended up canceling that trip to New York.

We have met each other’s families, and it went very well. Her father says he respects me, and as a result, he doesn’t worry as much about her as he used to. My mother says she no longer worries about me not eating enough.

It can be difficult at times for two neurodivergent people to live together. There have been times where we have accidentally triggered one another. But we are always patient and understanding with each other’s struggles. Our relationship has proven to be anti-fragile, and the stresses we have faced together have made us stronger in the long run.

We recently moved into a house. Signing a one-year lease together was like taking our commitment to our relationship to the next level. This is all totally new for me, and I am grateful to get to explore this new chapter of life with someone who I can trust and depend on completely.

Monogamy versus Polyamory

There was a potential incompatibility with our relationship at first. I am talking about the issue of monogamy versus polyamory. This was the biggest reason why we didn’t end up together immediately after vibecamp.

When we first started this relationship experiment, we were fully monogamous. We both knew that this could not last in the long run, and that by definition this meant that we would have to go our separate ways sooner or later.

We both avoided talking about it at first, but once in a while it would come up. The first several conversations we had about it were tough. We both cried a few times. But over time she started to warm up to the idea of trying out polyamory. At some point over the summer, at a point where our relationship felt very secure, she decided that it would be worth giving it a shot.

This took pressure off the situation, as there was no longer a feeling that the relationship was time-gated in some way. She has since said that she is glad that she made the decision to try it out, and thus far it has gone well for us both.

What I’ve Learned

I have learned so much over the course of this relationship.

I have learned about myself. I have learned about what I want from a partner, what I need from a partner. I have a much better idea now of what kind of dynamic works for me and what doesn’t. These ideas are no longer mostly hypothetical for me. I now have plenty of real-world experience to go off of.

I have learned about how relationships work. There is some give-and-take involved, some adjustment involved, some compromise involved. I have come to understand the importance of taking care of your own wants and needs in a relationship. It’s not possible to completely neglect your own well-being in service to your partner, and vice versa. Balance is key.

A lot of my previous insecurities have been diminished or have disappeared entirely. In the past, I have written about my insecurity when it comes to being a competent lover. I was afraid that I would miss out on otherwise great relationship opportunities for being bad at kissing, bad at sex, etc. This insecurity has almost completely vanished. I am so much more confident in my skills now. It turns out the stuff I learned from watching Caitlin V's YouTube Channel works after all!

My social confidence is far stronger than it used to be. Being loved like this makes me feel like a person who has inherent value. It’s not just psychological, either. It feels like there have been physical changes to my brain that have improved my overall well-being.

Her touch, both physical and emotional, has healed me in ways that I did not know were possible. It’s like new neurological connections have been formed, or broken ones repaired. There are things that used to deeply upset me that barely bother me at all now. I have become a healthier, more complete person, and for all of this I am immensely grateful.

Concluding Thoughts

Imagine only knowing someone through Twitter and then hanging out with them in person for about four days. Then imagine moving in with them a few weeks later. Then imagine it all actually working out incredibly well. Hard to believe, right? Well, it actually happened!

She drove all the way out here to the Nevada desert just for me. I have promised her that so long as she is here, she will be under my protection no matter what.

We have a special connection. We are both lovers and best friends. We have developed our own language, our own subculture that only the two of us understand.

Every night we go through the same ritual. We cuddle for a while, and when I can tell that she is ready to drift off to sleep, I tell her that I love her, and she says the same back to me. Then I tuck her in, kiss her, and wish her a goodnight.