Night Out #24: Getting Better (Slowly)
I'm getting better at this stuff! I was also on the receiving end of an approach, which is always nice.
Follow Up on Night Out #23
Back on Night Out #23 I mentioned getting a girl’s phone number, the same girl who I had the very strange instant date with. Either this number was a fake, I typed it in incorrectly, or she pretended to be a wrong number when I followed up with a text the next day. Oh well. Moving on.
This Week’s Mission
This is a continuation of the mission from the previous night out.
This week’s mission (a part of the course I'm taking) was about frame control. Frame is a tricky concept to define, but it’s basically like someone’s perception of a situation. Different people can have different perceptions of the exact same situation. There are things you can do to influence these perceptions, both in terms of your own perception and other people’s perceptions.
The mission had two parts to it:
Part 1: Internal Frame
Reframe everything in your life in a positive way. Life is good.
Reframe everything as you being incredibly attractive
Part 2: External Frame
Every interaction, within the first two minutes (ideally within the first minute), you need to assert a frame that if true would lead to either an relationship or to sex. You can use frame-setting lines to do this.
Night Out #24: Friday, March 11th, 2022
I hadn’t done a whole lot of research on other venues, and so I decided to go with a sure thing and just revisit Gold Spike again. Of the two nightclubs I’ve been to so far, this is the better one for doing approaches. You can actually hear people, especially in the outdoor area! I don’t want to become too reliant on this venue as I still need to explore many of the other nightclubs around town, but at this point I believe that I will regularly go here.
I got in just after 11 PM. I basically just stood around for the first twenty minutes, warming myself up to the idea of socializing and waiting for the club to fill up. It was still pretty empty when I got there.
There was a group of people playing four square outside. I thought about joining them, but as I watched I couldn’t really figure out how they were running the game. I also reminded myself that I was there for other reasons, and that I didn’t want to miss any good opportunities because I was busy playing a game. So I didn’t join them.
It didn’t take me too long to get things going socially. Over the course of the night, I ended up doing at least 16 total approaches. I’ll write about the more notable ones in detail, but there were a lot that were blowouts, or in other words, interactions that only lasted a few seconds.
First Set - Mentioned vibecamp
My first approach was with two girls who were standing by one of the outside heating lamps. I used the “on a scale of 1-10, how important is this conversation?” opener that I have started to become reliant on.
The conversation was super short. I barely remember it, but early on I asked one of the girls if she knew what vibecamp was. She didn’t, and so I told her it was this meetup of attractive and successful people that I went to. She said that sounded cool, but almost immediately afterwards the two girls were like “nice meeting you!” and started walking away as if they were leaving.
I noticed a little later that they had only moved a few steps away from where they had been previously standing, lol. Oh well. No big deal. Mentioning vibecamp was basically some silly self-amusement shit rather than actually taking things seriously, so I didn’t plan on doing it again. I need to use my time wisely if I want to make consistent progress towards achieving my goals.
Another Pair of Girls
This was another pair of girls having a conversation by one of the outdoor heating lamps. I used the scale of 1-10 opener again.
It was a flirty interaction. I used a bunch of teasing lines. I picked the girl who seemed to be more emotionally reactive as the target. I joked about how the other one was the responsible one, and she was the one always getting into trouble. They thought this was hilarious. I used several more lines and got great reactions, including the frame-setting line about how we were all attractive people.
We were talking about some random stuff. At one point we started talking about dancing, and we sort of danced a little where we were standing. I was really bad at it, though.
Unfortunately I ran out of things to say before long, and I could not for the life of me come up with anything new to say. The set ended up fizzling out, and the girls ultimately turned away, danced together a little, and then walked away without saying anything.
Another good set that I messed up by running out of things to say and not knowing how to save the sinking ship! I saw these girls several more times throughout the night, but never tried to re-open.
Single Mom Approached Me
I was walking around the outside area. I noticed two women who were a bit older than me who were sitting together. I had considered approaching them myself, but I didn’t for some reason. I don’t remember exactly why, but possibly because they looked a bit on the older side.
One of the women called out to me and started beckoning me over. I walked over and we started a conversation. This is only like the fourth time that I’ve been on the receiving end of an approach since I began The Quest. She was a single mom in her late 30s who was out partying at the club with her friend. I joked about how her friend was acting like her mother, trying to be the responsible one and keep her out of trouble and whatnot. It quickly turned into a very flirty conversation.
At one point the single mom called over to this other girl who was dancing nearby, and when the girl came over she smacked her ass. I teased her about how she was going around harassing people and smacking their asses and whatnot. She made a joke about how she wouldn’t care if someone grabbed her tits. I don’t remember what I said in response, but I missed an opportunity to playfully misinterpret what she said and say something like “woah, we just met and you’re already trying to get me to grab your tits?!” Instead, I basically just stood there and was unsure about what to do next. Was I supposed to just grab her tits right then and there? Probably not, but at the same time, I cannot say for certain.
Throughout the interaction, I put my hand on her arm/shoulder several times, but didn’t know how to escalate beyond that. This is something I need to work on. She mentioned how intense my gaze was, and we got into a bit of a staring contest at one point.
She kept joking about how she was drunk and had problems and whatnot. She told me about some of her family issues. I said that I had problems too. She asked what my problems were, so I said autism. We ended up getting into a discussion about autism. She has a son who she believes is autistic, but she doesn’t want to get him diagnosed because she thinks that labeling him will end up doing more harm than good. She was telling me a lot about her son and her family situation in general.
Eventually this guy came over who looked almost exactly like a hybrid between Michael K. Williams and DMX. I had noticed him on the dance floor inside earlier. The single mom said something about how she had talked with him earlier. From a distance, he offered his hand out to dance with her. We call this move The Hand of God. She told me it was nice meeting me and then went over to start dancing with him.
I looped back around a few minutes later and the Michael K. Williams-DMX hybrid guy was still there, but these two girls were gone. I didn’t see them in the club again after this point. My guess is that the friend dragged the single mom away and they left the club.
It was lame for the set to have ended the way it did, but overall this interaction was a big confidence boost for me. It made me feel attractive, and I liked how bold this woman was. It made me want to follow her example when it comes to boldness, though I’m definitely not going to start smacking asses like she did, lol.
The autism conversation wasn’t bad per say. I don’t think it made me lose attraction in her eyes, but it didn’t move the interaction towards sex. It was ultimately just platonic baseline conversation not a good use of time.
I definitely should have physically escalated more in some way, especially when we were having the little staring contest. I don’t really know how to escalate properly. That’s something I haven’t gotten to yet in the course. If the interaction had been more physical though, she would have been more likely to stick around with me. She was clearly after something physical, and I wasn’t giving that to her. So it was easy for the Michael K. Williams-DMX hybrid to capture her full attention at that moment, as what he was offering was certainly more physical in nature.
Now that I’ve had some time to look back and reflect on things, here’s what I think I should have done: I should have put my hands around her waist as if we were dancing together when we were staring at each other. I think that would have kept things going in the right direction. Also when she asked me about my problems, I should have taken the opportunity to steer that into some kind of narrative about me and her together, rather than answering the question literally and getting into a conversation about autism.
Wardrobe Malfunction
There were these two girls sitting on a bench outside. I used the 1-10 scale opener again.
One of the girls was really hard to understand. She had a very thick accent and seemed quite drunk. The other girl seemed to be more sober and easier to understand. It was also very loud where they were sitting and thus it was hard to hear them.
The sober one asked me for a lighter. I gave mine to her and she started lighting what was obviously a joint rather than a cigarette. I asked her if it was tobacco, she said it was, and then I teased her on how it obviously wasn’t, especially after she started smoking it.
I couldn’t really hear what was said between the two of them, but they ended up going back inside shortly after this. I think they might have seen a friend of theirs or something, but I’m not sure. Right before they left, as the drunk one was lying down on the bench she had a bit of a wardrobe malfunction. Her top slid up, exposing the bottom half of her nipples. I was about to (politely) point it out to her, but her friend ended up dragging her away before I could. I am pretty sure this other girl pointed it out to her right before she got inside, as I saw the other girl say something to her and then she started laughing and fixing her top.
Hey, I’m not judging! Nor am I surprised this happened given the outfit she was wearing. It was just a memorable moment for me because I’m a perv like that.
Hot Girl Playing With Lights
I noticed a girl playing with this thing on the wall inside the club where you can rearrange a bunch of lights to create patterns or shapes. I opened by asking her what she was trying to make with the lights.
She told me she was trying to write the word “DICK”. I teased her on that, and we joked back and forth about how dick must be on her mind, etc.
It was a short but flirty set. I complimented her on her top, and she seemed to really like the compliment. She grabbed my arm and squeezed my elbow. She was escalating on me! She was really hot, too. She started to turn away a little and I did the same back to her, and she turned back to me.
She asked me what my plans for the rest of the night were. I said that I didn’t know yet. She told me that she had to go back to her group of friends, but that she would come talk to me again if I was still there.
I waited around by the lights for a few minutes, not sure if she was planning on coming back soon or what. Before long I decided that just waiting around was not a good use of my time, especially since I had no guarantee that she would ever be coming back to talk to me in the first place. So I went back to wandering the venue looking for approach opportunities.
A while later I noticed her sitting at a table with her friends. They were there for a long time. They were literally still there when I finally ended up leaving the club at like 4:15 AM. So I have no idea if she actually did intend on talking to me again.
Astrology Girls
A little while later I noticed two girls playing with the same light thing. I went over and asked them what they were trying to make. I don’t remember what they said, but we quickly got into a flirty interaction.
I picked the one having the more emotional reactions for the target. I told the friend that she must be the responsible one, while the other girl was trouble. They thought this was hilarious. I did a few more cold reads. They joked about me being a fortune teller because of how well I read them.
The flirting and teasing was going well. They talked a little about astrology, and I teased the target on it being total bullshit. I seemed to be on good terms with the friend too, which I took as a good sign because I often fail to do that.
At one point the target was slightly off to the side and the friend started whispering to me, telling me the target’s birthday and astrological sign. She told me to tell her that I had guessed it.
So I went back over to the target and told her that I had figured out her astrological sign. When I said what it was, she immediately accused her friend of telling it to me. I thought she was just playfully pretending to be mad at her friend. Then her and her friend started talking about when her birthday was, and I said her birthday. Then she got more mad at her friend. I guess she wasn’t just playing-mad after all. She was actually upset with her friend.
She ended up dragging her friend away. Oops. Set over.
Number Closed Me
It was after 4 AM by this point, and the DJ had stopped playing music in the main dance floor area. The club was still playing some music softly over the loudspeakers, but it was a lot quieter at this point. The club was starting to get pretty empty.
I noticed this girl who was dressed in a very sophisticated way (at least for this club) who was wandering around the dance floor. I had seen her a few times earlier on in the night, but didn’t see any approach opportunities. Now was the perfect moment.
I approached and made a joke about how her outfit was too sophisticated for this club. It was well-received.
We had a brief conversation that I only partially remember, but she was looking for her friend and was struggling to see because she had lost her glasses or hadn’t brought them or something. I let her try on my glasses and she said they helped a little but I wasn’t nearly as blind as she is.
After this, she asked me if I had an Instagram, to which I said that I technically did but I never use it. She asked me what social media I use, and I just said that I use phone numbers. She told me to pull up my contacts and she gave me her phone number. Wow. She did all the work when it came to number closing me!
She then said she had to go look for her friend and left.
This was another example of a girl impressing me with her audacity and willingness to play-to-win. I need to learn from her example. I have been too timid in general. I need to start playing-to-win more. I need to start really going for the outcomes that I’m after and not getting caught up in thinking that a set has to be perfect in order for me to do things like number close or escalate.
Re-Opening Astrology Girls
Right before I left, I noticed the two astrology girls sitting together at a table near the exit. I tried to re-open. I don’t remember exactly what was said, but the target from earlier ended up almost falling over a few moments later, which I teased her on. Then they decided to leave, and I wished them a good night. I think the target was actually legitimately mad her friend told me her birthday and sign. This was my first time ever trying to re-open a set. It didn’t go anywhere, but I think it was the right move for that situation.
Other Sets Not Worth Mentioning
Girl waiting for her husband
Girl who said she was going to the bathroom
Pair who told me they had a resident die at their nursing home or something
Pair of girls who left due to a phone call or something
Girls looking for something in bag
Girl from Michigan standing by the inside bar
Girls facetiming their mom
Girl who was flipping off her friend
Girls who tried to get me to buy them shots
Girl standing next to me by a pillar
And possibly more that I can’t remember. These sets were so short that they are not worth writing about in detail. So of the roughly 16 approaches I did, ten of them were basically instant blowouts, and the remaining six actually went somewhere in terms of giving me a chance to get some socializing in. Not too bad.
I also had a fun chat with some interesting random dudes. It’s not just about the women! I’m trying to learn how to socialize in general… but of course women are the priority. That’s where I need the most improvement!
Heading Home
I left the club around 4:15 - 4:20 AM. Towards the end of the night, I started to feel self-conscious about looking like a wandering loner. The venue was starting to empty out pretty quickly, especially once the music on the main dance floor was shut off. When the club is crowded it’s easy to just blend in and disappear into the crowd, but when it’s not-so-crowded it feels hard not to stand out. I’m sure the security guards started to notice me doing loops around the venue over and over again.
So I threw in the towel at around 4:15 - 4:20 AM. The “Hot Girl Playing With Lights” was still there with her friends, but I didn’t feel comfortable waiting around any longer for something that probably wasn’t going to happen. I already felt like I was sticking out like a sore thumb with so few people left in the club. I think a more optimal choice would have been to try to re-open her with her friends, but I was too afraid to do that. I had no idea what to say. So instead I just left.
Final Thoughts
It was a night that felt rough at first but felt much better later on. My first several sets were pretty bad, and I had a lot of blowouts early on in the night. As the night drew on, things started to get easier. I have noticed that this is a common trend for me.
There were a few confidence-boosting sets, like the single mom, which helped get me into a better state. That set left me feeling amped up and excited. The alcohol I was drinking probably helped too. I don’t want to become dependent on alcohol, so I’m being really strict about only drinking when I go out. I’m not allowing myself to drink alone at home. So hopefully I don’t get addicted.
I did a little bit of dancing, but I didn’t know what I was doing. I keep saying this, but I would benefit tremendously from learning some of the basics. There’s a lot of action that goes down on the dance floor. I remember seeing a guy who (no offense to him) didn’t look conventionally attractive, and yet he was grinding up against this hot girl. They were both really into it. I remember thinking that every incel in America needs to see this right now. It was yet another example of how the incel logic that women only go for the Chads or whatever doesn’t actually play out in the real world. Anyways, the point is that if he could pull that off, why can’t I?
I need to play to win more. I can actually learn from both the single mom and the girl who number closed me. Both of those girls were playing to win more than I was. Again, if they could do it, why can’t I? I need to learn from their boldness and audacity. I should be out there playing to win, not playing to not lose, as my instructor says. I have to make shit happen and not just sit back passively and hope it happens on its own.
Another thing my instructor taught us: use a simulation mindset when you go out. A simulation mindset is basically: “imagine this whole night is a virtual reality simulation. Once the simulation is over, all of the data will be erased. No data will be permanently stored. No one other than you will remember what happened.”
It’s not literally true, but it’s close enough to the truth to be a useful mindset, especially here in Las Vegas where there’s a new batch of tourists flying in to replace the previous batch every weekend. Of course, some of the people are locals (especially in Downtown Las Vegas as opposed to The Strip), but what are the odds that you’re going to run into them again soon and that they’ll remember you? Pretty low!
So if I know that I’m not going back to the same club for at least a few weeks, why not embrace the simulation mindset? Why not try to get as much out of the night as I possibly can? I should be maximizing my money’s worth, my time’s worth, etc. I shouldn’t let self-consciousness about being a wandering loner or someone who is awkward with girls get to me and hinder my progress.
I am getting better at this. I still have some big hang-ups for sure, but I know what those hang-ups are, and I need to start focusing more time on working on them. This is where the exercises we have been taught in class come into play. There are exercises meant to help you practice coming up with flirty and teasing lines, and I need to put more effort into them throughout the week. It’s time to get to work!
Things I did well:
Staying in a good internal state despite some stretches where I felt like a wandering loner
Teasing girls’ responses to things I say or do
Getting a good amount of approaches in once I got the ball rolling. I did at least 16 approaches that I can remember.
Things to improve on:
Not. Running. Out. Of. Things. To. Say.
I need a stack, like I’ve mentioned before. I need a minimum of 4-5 different lines or stories I can pull out of my back pocket if an interaction goes silent.
Speaking of stories, I need to come up with some true stories about my life that are worth telling, ideally ones that make me look good.
I need to get better at coming up with things to say spontaneously instead of just having memorized canned lines. This is where the exercises we’ve been learning in class come in handy.
Doing approaches in loud areas. There were a few opportunities that I 100% should have taken up but was afraid to because it was in a loud area.
Escalation. I don’t know how to physically escalate, and the idea is still pretty scary for me.
Playing to win. No more playing to not lose! A simulation mindset should help with this.